The hunt for a swine boar-friend

To have an animal on the farm without a job is a little like having a black hole you toss a few bucks into on daily basis,

you feed them, house them and care for them. 

They need to give a little back, in the form of work, offspring or be useful in some way.

With this thought in mind, we decided to breed our two gilts. 

(Gilts are girl pigs who haven't had babies, sows are girl pigs who have.)

I guess somewhere in my mind I expected this to be simple like with Daisy.
Watch for heats, call our cousin and he comes and artificially inseminates her.
Simple!
Swines, not so much.
As I have said before I grew up around pigs, but we had a boar, named Buckwheat.
(a boar is an intact male pig)
We put him in with our sow Petunia, and they did their thing.
 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days later we had ten little piglets.
 I helped my Grandpa give them their shots and enjoyed watching them grow up.
I guess, I thought it would be this simple again. 
I started asking around for a pig AI guy.
(Artificial Inseminator)
Well, guess what?

There's no such thing around here, only out west where the big farms are.
😕 Humm?
So I started looking for a real live boar to come visit, here's the thing, pigs can't cross state lines without an ear tag and health papers.
So I found a free- borrow as long as I like -boar but, with no health papers.
Now, I could do the black suit ninja thing sneaking a pig across state lines in the dead of night, like a swine on the lam.

 Well, let me tell you I'm not into that! 

I prefer to be above board.
So I found a boar in the state with a stud fee of $250.
I called my vet to be sure the girls were covered.

Here's the latest kicker, apparently pigs can get STDs.
well, no one wants that, so I ask the guy, does your boy have a health check, well no sorry.
😒
 Moving on.. the vet also reminded me that the boar and the girls would need to be separated for most of the time and only together for about an hour a day.
If I had the barn finished this would be simple, but outdoors in winter, not so much!
So now what?
By now I am frustrated and stressed about the whole thing.
I have two customers waiting to hear that their piglets are being formed safe and warm in mom.
I have missed 3 heats in the girls and passed the cut for the spring market for the highest price for the little ones I want to sell.
 A friend suggested ordering from a website that offers boar, ahem, semen. 😖
I started looking into it.

I am not sure where they get the names for the boars, Mr longevity, Rocket man.. Ect.
Have you ever seen a boar? 

They are, well endowed!

 We're talking impressive here!
They were, also show pigs and their offerings were very expensive.
I am raising meat pigs here I don't need them to have a pedigree.

finally, finally! I find an honest to goodness pig farmer in Ohio who will send some goods at a reasonable price. They are certified healthy.
Phew, I wonder how many husbands buy their wives pig semen for their birthday?
So, the goods are on the way, but I have to do the AI myself. 😮
Oh boy, I'll let you know how it goes.

 If you don't hear from me soon, check the pig pen for my remains, because I died of horror.